When people do not have time to get back to you or you feel that they're being terse or short, the question really is, "What's up with them?" And a lot of times it just means that they're incredibly busy and it usually doesn't have anything to do with you at all. Your "What's wrong with me?" question is so telling. It is hard, and it takes work for everyone. And so something embedded in this question tells me that you think it should be easy or that it's easy for other people, and I just want to start with that.
What's wrong with me? - Fading friendshipsįirst, I want to say that it's really hard to make and keep friends even if they are people you've known for decades. I still reach out, but their responses come slower and slower. Aminatou SowĮveryone I know has friends from decades ago. But I would push you to ask yourself why you think this person would not be a good friend. It doesn't have to mean that you have a deep, intense friendship with everyone. Having different kinds of friends and generally being able to get along with different kinds of people is an important life skill.
But if they're a kind of person you're not used to being friends with, you might ask yourself why that is and what you can do about that. Don't show up half of the time and keep them waiting the other half of the time.īut, truly, I would challenge this letter writer to go a little beyond that: If you think that truly this person has a personality you don't like, then forget about it. So I will say that if you truly do not have time to hang out with this person, do not lead them on. You don't have to tell someone something as negative as "I don't think our personalities mesh well," because the truth is that you've probably not spent enough time with this person to figure that out. My policy usually is kindness, kindness, kindness. How do I let them know? - Not asking for a friend
Ann FriedmanĪn acquaintance of mine really wants to become better friends, and I'm just not interested. If you're needing a more structured time to hang out or an earlier or later way of checking in, or a new hobby, or maybe it needs to feel like a long-distance friendship for a while, ask for what you need rather than just doing a Homer Simpson fade into the bushes. Let's talk about it." And I expect the same thing from them in return.Īnd finally, ask for what you need from each other. My eyes glaze over when I read an article about parenting, but when I hear about my friend's personal experience, a person I care about, I'm like, "Yeah, tell me more. The second part is to stay genuinely curious about what that shift means.
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